hacked off

Dennis the menace

2004-05-27T18:07:00.000+01:00

Sticking with the Standard, the paper's former sports editor Mick Dennis must be feeling sick as a parrot.

It's just over two years since Mick stepped down from the Standard after 14 years, taking the decision after Wadley parachuted in the paper's former sports supremo Simon Greenberg from the News of the World. But now Greenberg has high-tailed it to Chelsea (and who wouldn't for £250,000 a year?) and former sports correspondent David Bond has been lured back to the Northcliffe House death star in order to cast his eye over the sports desk in an executive role.

And where's Dennis now? His discombobulation hasn't served him well. After Piers Morgan took pity on him and took him to the Mirror, he's moved on to the lofty title of football correspondent at the Express of all places.

Rumours that Dennis has been seen screaming "I coulda been a contender" are probably wide of the mark.

Missing in action

2004-05-27T18:02:00.000+01:00

Every hack hates their job, but spare a thought for poor old Neil Norman, the Evening Standard's long-time film critic. After playing the understudy to pugnacious prude Alexander Walker for years, Norman thought he'd got a sniff of the big time when Walker went up to that great screening room in the sky last year.

But Veronica Wadley had other ideas... In came celebrity reviewer Will Self to hog the limelight, and Wadley-appointed deputy Antonia Quirke (known as the "poison dwarf" by fellow Standard staff) has now fully ousted Norm from the pages. What was his great sin? Did he annoy the other Norm - egotistical arts boss Norman LeBrecht? Or was he just outside of the new clique - he wouldn't be the only arts bigwig to feel threatened by the change of regime a couple of years back.

Whatever the whispers are saying, it's certainly a great reward for years of dutiful service in the shadows of others, I'm sure you'll agree.

Job swap

2004-05-26T09:54:00.000+01:00

Rumours are flying everywhere about the new boss at the BBC, Mark Thompson.

Is it possible that he'll be leaving his new job before he even starts it?

Well wishing

2004-05-24T18:50:00.000+01:00

Another weekend away, another hangover and another short break from the vagaries of the press.

For those who, like me, feel that the snooty tones of Radio 4 have little to offer except the ocassional cock-up by a fat man reporting in his pants, I'll offer you Trapped: a brisk little comedy which combines the petty futility of the local newsroom with the time-filling nonsense of 24-hour rolling news. Feel free to amuse yourself the travails of the Pennine News Network until I can muster some more energy.

It's like watching Sky and News 24, with a bit of Drop the Dead Donkey thrown in.

Running the asylum

2004-05-19T19:28:00.000+01:00

We all know Tricky Dicky Desmond's opinions on the various people of the world: he hates them all - and reserves particular hatred for Germans, gypsies, immigrants and asylum seekers. Desmond's partisan pecadilloes, of course, filter through to his stable of papers, and the Express, Sunday Express and Star - but how far does it extend?

In the best investigative reporting tradition (i.e. sitting in a comfortable chair and not leaving the room), Hacked Off is proud to present the findings of its completely unscientific study of into Lunacy at Ludgate House.

In the past year, the phrase "asylum seeker" has appeared in either the Express, Sunday Express or Star a staggering 1013 times, that's nearly three times a day. Compared to other right-wing tabs, the Express Group looks like its waving the flag for the BNP - the Sun and News of the World rack up 643 examples, and the poison pen of the Mail can only manage 540 appearances. The Mirror stable (including the People) manages it a measly 473 times.

It has, however, been dropping off in recent months. Taken over a six-month period, instances have fallen by around a third.

Here are some other records for you from Dirty Des's rollcall of shame...

immigrant: 893
gypsy: 117
romanian: 345
and, as a control experiment -
gypo: 2 (and those are quotes from Newcastle United's cultural ambassador, Craig Bellamy)

What does this prove? Not much, but it doesn't seem very nice, now, does it?

(Notes, before people start emailing en masse: There was no attempt to put these uses into context, I'm far too lazy for that. The broadsheets also manage their fair share of "asylum seekers", including a massive 800+ appearances in the Guardian and Observer - but put in context it seems unlikely that the Guardian's lilywhite liberals could ever bring themselves to use the term in anger. And even when the tits-dominated Star is taken out of the equation in Northern & Shell's figures, the Express still outruns its nearest tabloid competitors by almost 100)

American idle

2004-05-18T17:35:00.000+01:00

Staying Stateside, here's an article that's less likely to have you slitting your wrists from boredom.

It's from the New York Review of Magazines, and examines why the Graun's much-feted "Guardian in America" magazine bit the bullet.

While it slimes over the Farringdon mob ("Britain's third-largest high-end broadsheet... sets the standard for coverage not only of politics but also the arts, literature and history"... please!) and vaunts Alan Rusbridger as some kind of demi-god, it does show an interesting side of newspaper decision-making and highlights some of the deficiencies of the American press while it's there:

When [Guardian suit Albert] Scardino was hired, one of his first tasks was to evaluate the Guardian in America proposal and make a recommendation. He was less than enthusiastic: “For $50 million, we could fly the paper over and pass it out at the airport.” Scardino feared that to survive in the celebrityobsessed U.S. publishing market, the Guardian in America would degenerate into a George-like magazine. He thought they should come up with other ways to move in slowly over the next three or four years—perhaps evolving the Guardian Weekly into a liberal Economist.

I've got no doubt that Fleet Street - both broadsheets and tabloids - could teach American newspapers a thing or three, but launching a dedicated US edition has got to be the most expensive way of doing it.

Those crazy Americans

2004-05-18T12:57:00.000+01:00

While the British press goes on a feeding frenzy in the wake of an editor's decision to print a bunch of fake photos, Stateside paper the Baltimore Sun gives us a nice reminder of ethics in action.

THE SUN recently published a whimsical front-page article about the variety of gifts that Joshua Ehrlich, the infant son of Gov. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr. and his wife, Kendel, received upon his birth.

Near the end of the article, [reporter] David Nitkin noted that among gifts from members of the news media was a baby bib from Sun staff writer Pat Meisol, who has written stories about Kendel Ehrlich and state government officials. Also, Sun editorial writer Karen Hosler, with her husband -- who works in the Governor's Office of Crime Control and Prevention -- had trees planted in the baby's honor.

"I certainly was surprised," Mr. Nitkin said in an interview. "I didn't expect to see this."

He wasn't the only one.

Adherence to a code of ethics is the clearest sign of a newspaper's responsibility to its readers. The Sun's unwritten ethics code prohibits staff members from accepting any gifts from news sources or making contributions to any political or advocacy groups. Implicit in the code is a prohibition on giving gifts to public figures, which could create the appearance of a conflict of interest.

The Sun's managing editor, Anthony M. Barbieri, decided that Ms. Meisol would no longer write about the Ehrlich administration or state government... Ms. Donovan [an exec at the Sun] ruled that Ms. Hosler would not write anything at all regarding Maryland politics or policies.

So two reporters had their beats reduced because they broke an "unwritten code of ethics".

If Fleet Street had morals this high, nobody would have anything to write about. No wonder American newspapers are so boring.

News of the World?

2004-05-18T11:08:00.000+01:00

Everything seems to have gone a little quiet on the Stephen Glover front... are his insane plans for 'the World' - a sky-scrapingly highbrow tabloid - disappearing faster than the Mirror's credibility?

(The fading away of Glover's plan might well have something to do with the rumoured involvement from Associated. DMGT only wanted the World if they couldn't get their hands on the Telegraph - but a few months later that takeover looks a million miles away, and perhaps Associated's interest has gone colder than an Eskimo's goolies.)

Talking of abortive launches, it's now officially 18 months since Dirty Des announced his plans to take on the Evening Standard with a new evening freesheet for London. And it still seems a long way off, despite recent assertions that he's only waiting for a distribution decision to be made. After all, the man prodded the Sunday Express into saying it was "just weeks away" ... in January 2003.

Time's a funny old thing, especially if you're a newspaper mogul.

Piers review

2004-05-17T23:32:00.000+01:00

So farewell, then, Piers Morgan.

A few days after the main event, and things look a little clearer. Backed into a corner and defending his corner to friends and critics alike until just moments before his dismissal, Piers had begun to believe his own infallibility.

It's not hard to imagine how this Houdini of Fleet Street had begun to believe he could bluster his way out of anything. He got through so many slips and scandals during his time as both News of the Screws editor and head honcho at the Sun. Morgan's always been one to lead from the front, and though it inspires devotion in some of his workers, in the end it did for him.

Now the accepted story seems to be that Trinity Mirror's American shareholders applied pressure on the board to get them to fire Piers. But my sources - and my instincts - are suggesting that there was less shareholder pressure than people are being led to believe. This was also a battle of wills, and a battle for control of the Mirror's future. Could this 'shareholder pressure' line be a clever PR move by certain top Trinity executives in order to deflect the attention away from themselves? Sly Bailey didn't get her nickname for nowt(*).

Still, the result of it all is probably less important than hacks would like to admit - the Mirror is still a struggling paper looking for a way to return to glory; the key story about abuse of prisoners in Iraq is probably true; and Piers, for all the column inches dedicated to his obituary, is left holding the same position he always has done - a vile showman to some, an all-guns-blazing hero to others.

* Yes, yes, I know her name's Sylvia.

Piers pressure

2004-05-17T19:30:00.000+01:00

Is this the most unfortunately named company in Britain?

Well, at least they've got an 'employment opportunities' section - perhaps Piers would like to give it a gander.

Good old bad Times

2004-05-17T19:05:00.000+01:00

After last week's rumours that bad things were going to happen at the Times (mentioned here on Wednesday), the company sent out its PR moles to spread the word that this was all poppycock.

But now the grapevine tells me around 30 jobs are set to go at the Times.

Seems the pessimists were right after all.

Celebrity skin

2004-05-17T19:03:00.000+01:00

Boris Johnson, Anne Widdecombe, Chatshow Charlie Kennedy... we all know that politicians like to think they're on a par with real famous people, but who can blame them for a little ego trip - after all, the secret service spooks who protect top cabinet ministers refer to their charges as "celebrities".

The Man in the Mirror

2004-05-15T10:52:00.000+01:00

With almost perfect timing, yours truly is departing for the weekend and is therefore unable to write very much.

Needless to say that Morgan didn't jump, he was pushed.

Fleet Street Blogger, which a commenter so handily pointed out has made a return for the big event - and has a lot of interesting stuff to say about what this means, in the longer term.

Well, firstly I'd say it means that the Mirror's going to return to the Labour fold pretty quickly. That's another victory for Blair, on top of Hutton. They're likely to install a relatively faceless yes man, since Morgan's sacking was the result of pressure from above.

As the Fleet Street Blogger implies, Mirror news ed Connor Hanna has already handed in his resignation to Des Kelly. Hanna might be a bit of a wunderkind, but even this is going to leave a temporary stain on his reputation. But don't be surprised if you seem him hanging around Northcliffe House in the near future - it's no secret that the Mail have been out to poach him for a while.

As for Piers?

I'll leave that until next time, I've got a plane to catch.

Adios.

Turning in on itself

2004-05-14T18:52:00.000+01:00

Never let it be said that the British press shirks from the opportunity to rub some salt in an already-open wound.

With yesterday's defiant stand by Piers Morgan, today's papers are chock full of attacks on the Mirror's behaviour.

While the Telegraph takes the chance to voice concern over demoralisation in the military, it also makes play of the fact that Morgan's "credibility will be severely damaged" if he stays in the editor's chair.

The Guardian wants the Mirror to apologise, something it says would benefit Morgan, his paper, the army - and journalists: "There is an important matter of journalistic faith at stake, as well as one of the safety of people on the ground in Iraq."

But there's little surprise that some of the strongest words come from the Mirror's perennial red-top rival the Sun, which not only demands an apology on behalf of British soldiers, but has offered a reward of £50,000 for information that might bring the fakers to justice.

The Sun believes that someone, somewhere knows who was behind this despicable action, which has falsely brought shame on a great regiment, wrongly besmirched the reputation of British troops in general, and exposed our Forces in Iraq to terrible peril.

And they tenaciously claim that they had the story first - "but decided not to run it". Classic stuff. Of course, if the Mirror photos were faked on the promise of financial reward (as seems likely), the Sun's fit of pique doesn't raise itself to any moral high ground: offering to dish out money to anyone who can help it get one over on the Mirror. Trevor Kavanagh doesn't seem to be one for irony.

(Media watchers will also be aware that Sun stablemate the News of the World has a history of paying its way to the odd hoax - just mention "Victoria Beckham kidnap" to anyone at Wapping, and they're likely to turn a peculiar shade of green)

Gone

2004-05-14T18:30:00.000+01:00

6.30, Friday night: Piers Morgan resigns.

Insistence is futile

2004-05-13T20:36:00.000+01:00

Despite the rumours flying around Fleet Street this afternoon ahead of the government's declaration that the Mirror's Iraq photos are fake, it seems Piers is barricading himself behind the editor's desk at Canary Wharf.

"We have listened to what Mr Ingram has said today, but he has still not produced incontrovertible evidence that the pictures are faked. Nor has he satisfactorily answered the very serious charge of why he failed to act on information about this abuse presented to him last year."

But even though Piers is sticking by his guns, the pressure is cranking up every day. And there are long-standing hints that he doesn't have the whole-hearted backing of the Trinity Mirror board. Last week Trinity chairman Victor Blank was keen to dodge questions on the fake photo row, and Sly Bailey has often seemed muted in her support for the newspaper world's enfant terrible.

After all, it's almost exactly a year since Blanko fired this warning at the Morgmeister: "Piers Morgan we regard as a very good and capable tabloid editor and he's not, at the moment, on the way out".

Copy cat

2004-05-13T19:36:00.000+01:00

The Telegraph's Minx mixes it up:

Surely it cannot be true, as attested by sources on the Evening Standard, that editor Veronica Wadley has been given copy approval for an interview in next Monday's Guardian?

That'll make it interesting to see how the interview reads...

Times they are a-changin'

2004-05-12T15:40:00.000+01:00

Paranoia is running amok at the Times, where a staff powwow has left workers confused and angry. If rumours that Murdoch and his croneys are moving a step closer toward bringing the tabloid and broadsheet together prove true, it's likely to result in substantial job losses. Keep them peeled...

Sky balls

2004-05-11T17:05:00.000+01:00

Covering today's explosion at a plastics factory in Glasgow (let's hope nobody uses a "plastic explosives" headline in tomorrow's papers, eh?), those redoubtable reporters at Sky News went for a splash of local colour.

"And now we're going to speak to an actual eyewitness from today's blast," announced the anchor in serious tones.

"Well," said the guy on the other end of the line, "I didn't actually see the explosion..."

Private parts

2004-05-11T16:11:00.000+01:00

So, imagine you're a newspaper editor. You have a legitimate story - "model who denounced drugs attends Narcotics Anonymous meeting". And you've got visual proof, a photograph (not fake), to underline the truth of the scoop.

What do you do?

Until last week, you would most likely have run with the story, and printed the picture. In the wake of the Naomi Campbell ruling, however, your lawyers are probably a little more lily livered about the outcome of such a decision.

When the Grauniad and Indie raised their snooty nose at the tabloid reaction to the Campbell case, they misjudged their high-handed opinions. Of course individuals deserve privacy, but the cloddish decision to protect Nasty Naomi won't make the press keep its hands off publicity-courting celebs. It will just mean that they take more chances, not less. After all, the Mirror's only mistake, really, was to detail Campbell's actual problem (medical details, of course, are meant to remain strictly private) - but if it had printed a gossipy news piece and withheld the picture to use as proof only behind closed doors, she wouldn't have had much room for manoeuvre.

The trouble with privacy in Britain is that only celebrities seem to be able to get it. The British law lords have a prior history of denying privacy to less enriched individuals, yet they protect the very people who court the press. Take for example, the famous Peck case. Here was a man who was caught on CCTV as he brandished a knife in an attempt to commit suicide, and then saw the local council distribute pictures of him in order to show how effective their cameras are in stopping crime.

His case thrown out by the Lords.

Now, however, any prima-donna supermodel with enough money and spite can judge that her own privacy was invaded (in a public space) and win a case. The British courts are all over the place. Clearly there is a serious concern over possible invasions of privacy - and Peck is just one of many examples - but if we leave the law lords to favour those most undeserving of the law's protection, then we're in a very bad situation indeed.

"The law," said Mr Bumble "is an ass": but if your ass is worth millions, then the law's a pretty good thing, it seems.

You've got mail

2004-05-11T10:25:00.000+01:00

They don't seem to be publicising it right now, but the Daily Mail has finally joined the digital age.

"Daily Mail - 24 hours a day": If that doesn't scare the rest of the web, I don't know what will.

Hair today

2004-05-10T20:00:00.000+01:00

Just to take a moment out of a busy schedule of predicting Piers Morgan's resignation and writing about the nasty Naomi Campbell ruling (I'll give that to you tomorrow), I thought I'd ask a question of key importance to the nation:

What has happened to Richard Littlejohn's hair?

Normally it's just a wee bit weave-tastic, but the Sun's favourite son seems to be sporting some kind of shaggy skull-top hair piece - if his appearance on tonight's edition of his dreary Sky News bleat is anything to go by. Our advice, RL?

Bald is beautiful.

Thommo's last tantrum

2004-05-10T19:42:00.000+01:00

Fear and loathing in Wapping after Sun news editor Sue Thompson finally quit after a long power struggle with Paul Field.

It's been at boiling point for a while, with Field being labelled "David Blaine" after ebing forced to hide away in a boxy glass office, as well as Thompson blowing her top after a row and demanding that Rebekah got rid of him.

It's hard to get a positive word out of hacks down at the Sun on Field's behalf. Sounds like the happy ship is not so happy anymore...

Morgan mark II

2004-05-10T09:47:00.000+01:00

Sorry for the lack of updates, but you'll be glad to know it's not from a lack of things to write about.

As a commenter pointed out, Piers Morgan - more than most editors - has a knack of getting away with it. After all, his tenure at the Mirror's top job has been criss-crossed with a selection of scandals, from Achtung! Surrender, to City Slickers... and now Naomi Campbell and the Iraq torture pictures.

But even a cat only has nine lives. Piers, and the other suits at the Mirror, are backtracking wildly in the face of a dangerous situation. While they hint that they still believe the pictures are genuine, they are now starting to make rather weak sounds to back away from the fight. Listen to Morgan in today's Guardian:

Nobody who doubts the photos seems to actually doubt the central allegation - that serious abuse went on, that a small rogue element of British troops beat up Iraqi detainees. And without wishing in any way to downplay the importance of the veracity of our photographs, isn't that, in the end, what matters most here?

Of course, they're not wrong to argue that the issues raised - but. Take their statement in response to defence moron Geoff Hoon:

"We remain absolutely confident that those pictures accurately illustrate a serious abuse of a detainee by members of the Queen's Lancashire Regiment. And we note that Mr Hoon does not deny the incident happened"

Now, is it just me, or is there a marked difference between "we stand completely by everything we have published and have read nothing which changes that view at all" (six days ago) and "those pictures accurately illustrate a serious abuse".

?

Long walk off a short Piers

2004-05-04T12:51:00.000+01:00

Word has been doing the rounds for the past couple of weeks that Mirror editor Piers Morgan is set for the chop.

He's never had the strongest backing from Trinity boss Sly Bailey since she took over the company, and his burgeoning career ias a low-profile telly presenter seems to have him thinking about being on-screen rather than behind the editor's desk.

But the Mirror's latest 'scoop' - which has been declared as a fake by top army brass, and certainly drew suspicion from most hacks when they read the front pages this weekend - are almost certain to see Piers' head on the block.

It's a matter of days, not weeks.

In a pickle

2004-04-27T16:29:00.000+01:00

Jon Snow's been on the funny pills again:

Nicholas Glass is ploughing around the Gherkin. Indeed he's been inside it. I suspect a rather more comfortable experience than having a gherkin inside him.

Quite.

German japes

2004-04-23T11:57:00.000+01:00

Of course, Dirty Des' moment of madness won't make much difference to him - or his papers - in the long run. The Express is on the wane, and despite his protests that the Daily Mail "stands for everything I hate", tricky Dicky seems intent being a poor man's Dacre. His Basil Fawlty impression might raise a titter in media circles, and certainly proves his position as Fleet Street's biggest lunatic, but it just adds to a growing impression that he's lost it completely. Put simply, nobody cares about the Express any more.

And at the same time as Desmond rails against Nazis and berates Rothermere for facist connections 60 years ago, the Express continues to run its ludicrous campaign against another one of Hitler's hate groups: Gypsies.

In the words of Littlejohn: "you couldn't make it up".

Mr Nasty's Nazi, not nice

2004-04-23T11:42:00.000+01:00

The chatter today is about the frankly amazing outburst by Express boss Richard Desmond when he was in a meeting with Telegraph bosses.

The extraordinary scenes, apparently prompted by a bid for the Telegraph by the German media group Axel Springer, took place at a meeting about the Westferry printing works in east London, which the Express and the Telegraph run jointly.

Mr Desmond, who has attempted to position himself as a respectable media owner by divesting himself of his pornography titles, called the Telegraph chief executive Jeremy Deedes a "miserable little piece of shit".

People present at the meeting said Mr Desmond - who dropped out of the race to buy the Telegraph after balking at the asking price - had at one point strutted up and down the room holding his fingers to his lips and giving stiff-armed salutes in emulation of the scene enacted by John Cleese in the TV sitcom Fawlty Towers...

In a mock German accent, Mr Desmond asked if the Telegraph bosses were looking forward to being run by Nazis. "That's not very helpful," Mr Deedes said, pointing out that Axel Springer had a commitment to the state of Israel as part of its stated publishing philosophy.

Mr Desmond said: "They're all Nazis." Mr Deedes replied: "That is thoroughly offensive. Could you please sit down so we can start the meeting?"

Mr Desmond replied "Don't you tell me to sit down, you miserable little piece of shit" and then launched into what witnesses described as "a stream of foul-mouthed abuse, both personal and general".

Mr Desmond added: "After three years dealing with a bunch of crooks I'm starting to enjoy this. You sat down with that fucking fat crook and did nothing." This was an apparent reference to Lord Black. Various other expletives were hurled at the Telegraph directors as the rant unfolded.

I haven't had this much fun since Piers Morgan was used as a punchbag by Jeremy Clarkson.

The irony is, of course, that this little spate of craziness came on the same day that the Express switched allegiances from Labour to the Tories. I bet Howard is pleased as punch that Dirty Des is backing his boys.

Eye aye

2004-04-21T15:32:00.000+01:00

All denizens of Fleet Street have a special place in their heart for Private Eye, the venerable magazine that has scratched a place in the nation's psyche as a perennial piss-taker, and the editorial home of Piers Morgan's nemesis Ian "The Gnome" Hislop.

So imagine the joyous beats that fluttered through the heart of this little hack when the discovery of an archive of Private Eye covers was made. It made for a few titters and has a few historical points of interest - but what it most proved is how times change, but don't change at all.

Ten years ago

The cover star was Virginia Bottomley (the woman most famous for a name which is anagrammatical with "I am an evil Tory bigot") saying to a pal "There's no discrimination in the NHS". Said chum agrees: "Nobody gets treated".

Twenty years ago

This time the Thatch made a cover girl appearance, "The Government is not taking sides. We support the Coal Board", to which a forlorn-looking Dennis responds: "Let's hope the Distillers don't come out".

The archive's incomplete, so there's nothing registered for 30 or 40 years back, which was a little annoying, but I suppose these guys can't do everything for you.

Terror at the Telegraph

2004-04-20T17:04:00.000+01:00

The suits are doing their best to build up enthusiasm for buying the Telegraph this week, as the groups courting Kanadian Komrade Konrad's papers continue having their face-to-face meetings with newspaper bosses.

Rumours are that the Daily Mail has already brokered a deal for more office space to accomodate the tab and broadsheet under the same roof - optimistic stuff, especially considering that many observers seem to be pinpointing German publishing group Axel Springer as the hot favourites.

Certainly Springer have stumped up more cash than their rivals, and their partnership with Mighty Morphin Moron Haim Saban means they are interested in the entire group (word on the street has it that Israeli-born Saban wants to use the Jerusalem Post as a propaganda sheet) - a more attractive offer than some others. But if the money men can find lucrative buyers for each individual part of Black's balls-up empire, they might want to break it up and let the constituent parts go their separate ways. Whatever way you look at it, it's a right royal cock-up.

But at least if it resulted in Boris Johnson getting the chop from the Spectator, some good will have come from all this.

Digging the dirt

2004-04-19T08:58:00.000+01:00

Desperate times at the Mail on Sunday, which decided to continue its broadside at both the BBC and the government with an amazing scoop that former BBC boss (and current Labour adviser) Lord Birt is, in fact, a porn baron.

"LORD DIRT" it screamed with all the hysteria of Tunbridge Wells' most outraged citizens.

Unfortunately, the story stands up about as well as Emile Heskey on a muddy pitch. The facts? Birt is a director of Paypal, the internet payment system. Birt's link to porn, therefore, is that some people use Paypal to buy pornography.

It would be just as well to say "BANK OF ENGLAND MONEY HELPS PEOPLE BUY PORN" or "AMERICAN EXPRESS BOSS 'RESPONSIBLE' FOR BRANDRETH'S TERRIBLE CHOICE OF JUMPER".

What's that I hear? Sounds like a barrel being thoroughly scraped.

Tabloid trebles

2004-04-16T14:25:00.000+01:00

Readers of today's Press Gazette will be interested to come across a full-page ad from News International plugging their recent 'treble' of scoops in the News of the World.

While it's not really a resumption of the full-blooded hostilities between the red tops that existed when Egghead Yelland was still the editor of the Sun, it's a fair crack from Andy Coulson and his croneys. It's partial payback for the Mirror's Paul Burrell story and the Ryan Parry palace snoop - but throwing in the Arsenal reference is a clear dig at gooner Piers Morgan.

Not sure it will have Morgan spitting out his spaghetti at San Daniele di Friuli, but it was worth a pop for a spot of gloating, I suppose.

Family affair

2004-04-15T15:24:00.000+01:00

One can only imagine the crimson-faced fury which professional windbag and part-time newspaper editor Piers Morgan greeted the News of the World's Rebecca Loos story. After all, not only did his paper fail to improve on its recent Paul Burrell and Ryan Parry scoops - but it turns out that Beck's Becks is a member of the Morgan clan.

Times story sniffer Andrew Pierce uncovered the truth yesterday:

“It’s true. We are related,” he said. “She is my second cousin by marriage. We went to a wedding together once in Madrid which makes it all the more galling that the News of the World got the story.

“But the family connection meant nothing. When I spoke to her she said that her loyalty was to the News of the World, not the family name.”

The continuing revelations about Becks and Loos have one advantage for Morgan. “I am no longer the black sheep of the family,” he said.

The Mirror, though, seems to have traded in its usual spoiling vitriol. Were family ties just too strong? Is Morgan losing his touch?

Sky balls

2004-04-15T15:20:00.000+01:00

News flash headline seen on Sky News today: Coalition: attacks are not 'a popular resistance'.

Well, not very popular with the coalition, at least.

Easy as ABC

2004-04-15T14:55:00.000+01:00

The ABC figures for March contain yet more bad news for the Guardian - down more than 10% down year on year for the second month in a row.

Guardianistas - including Harry Potter-esque honcho Alan Rusbridger - insist that the slip is merely reflective of the high circulations achieved last year during the war in Iraq. Bravado surely - the period-on-period figures show a slide of nearly 7%, and while his paper haemmoraghed 43,000 readers, the tabloid Independent picked up nearly 35,000.

Meanwhile in the Sundays, the Observer - pitted against a broadsheet Indy, is remaining relatively stable. That can't be a coincidence: if the shrunk-in-the-wash Indy is stealing readers wholesale from the Guardian, it's not turning them into Independent faithfuls.

The lesson? Newspaper readers might be fickle beasts, but you can't stand still if the opposition changes tactics.

Loos morals

2004-04-14T14:32:00.001+01:00

On the subject of Becksgate...

A few of the papers that have been running stories on Beckham's bedroom antics have picked up a twist in the Sarah Marbeck story: the Mail says Becks' model was 'call-girl', the Mirror claims she's Yours for £400... an hour, while the Sun goes for something much more understated:

So where have all these stories come from?

Smart money is on a canny PR - perhaps even on the representatives of the girls themselves.

Their first reason for biting back might be the simple task of protecting your own scoop. The people behind Loos might want to trash Marbeck and vice versa. And they might want to stop other people trashing their own lass first.

Secondly there's keeping the story alive - making sure your girl on the front pages, whatever it takes. That keeps her cache up, and by extension keeps you in the game.

And then, most importantly of all, there's the cash. After all, trousering 20% of the wodge from these kiss-and-tells might net a PR a couple of hundred thousands pounds, but the cynical public relations guru can probably make a lot more money from selling stories about these girls rather than the stories of the girls themselves.

Biting the hand that feeds them? Hey, nobody ever suggested there were morals in operation here.

Nothing to Loos

2004-04-14T10:09:00.000+01:00

Newsroom suits at Sky are desperately trying to boost their big interview with alleged Beckham banger Rebecca Loos - and after forking out something in the region of £150,000 for the show, they've got every reason. Sky News is currently trailing the interview with the zeal for scandal usually reserved for the tabs - (more likely it's a desperation born of fear). It's getting around the network like a bad smell, heading every bulletin and slipping into every report.

ITV gophers say they pulled out of bidding for the Loos telly scoop because it wasn't worth it - and they were right. Sky paid over the odds for a story which the News of the Screws has been carrying for a couple of weeks, and is already more over-exposed than Jordan.

Safety in numbers

2004-04-13T14:46:00.000+01:00

With things hotting up in parts of Iraq, America's news networks are getting increasingly jittery about the safety of their journalists, and have started creating their own circles of protection.

In fact, they've gone as far as creating their own Fallujah pool in order to help safeguard their reporters and crew: From Television Week:

ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox and NBC news operations agreed to share video obtained from besieged Fallujah by a network pool that last week consisted of a CBS News crew, a Fox News producer and an ABC News uplink. The pool travels and operates under the protection of U.S. Marines who are trying to regain control of the central Iraqi city. Lourdes Navarro, a broadcast correspondent for the Associated Press, has been phoning reports of the Marines' battle for Fallujah to a number of TV outlets in the States.

The real concern - especially with hostages being taken left, right and centre - is that journalists may become legitimate targets. I wonder how long it is until we see a high-profile journalist kidnapped by rebels and held to ransom?

Non-denial denial

2004-04-12T22:25:00.000+01:00

"This weekend a series of even more absurd and unsubstantiated claims have been published about David and Victoria Beckham.

"The couple continue to dismiss these stories and they will not be commenting upon them further at this time.

"Lawyers have been instructed by David and Victoria concerning these matters."

Go fourth and multiply

2004-04-11T18:15:00.000+01:00

Talking of Rupert Murdoch, New York Press runs an annual bitchslapping list of "50 most loathsome New Yorkers". Most of them are pretty unknown to us Brits, either as socialite trash or annoying tabloid fodder, or both. I mean, would you expect a Yank to know who Tara Palmer Twatkinson or Jordan are? This time, though, there's a special amount of venom saved especially for Rupe and his mini-me Lachlan, who come in together at #4.

I'll leave the talking to NYP:

"WHEN BRITISH TELEVISION playwright Dennis Potter learned he had terminal cancer, he named the tumor "Rupert." A bloody, distended hemorrhoid might have been more apt. The Aussie-born antichrist is alive and well, enjoying U.S. citizenship and avoiding his tax obligations, while Fox News continues to offer the world a glimpse of what American fascism would look like. In the run-up to the Iraq invasion, all 175 of Murdoch's papers argued for war and threw editorial acid on those who disagreed. But if you're one of the millions of people who can't think of a single good reason why Rupert Murdoch shouldn't die a slow and painful death next week, here's one: Lachlan, his tattooed, 32-year-old idiot-savant heir currently serving as the publisher of the New York Post. As a newspaper reportedly losing between $15 and $20 million each year, the Post is tied with the pyramids for biggest vanity project in history—all so that Little Lachlan can have a star-spangled tabloid in New York. If there is a chunk of the WTC that hasn't yet fallen to Earth, let it crash onto father and son the next time they're dining at the Carlyle."

As Australia's biggest export spreads his wiry old fingers further around the globe, he seems to rack up enemies as fast as he does friends. Still, hating him never stops any of us watching the footie on Sky, does it?

Sun, sand and sackings

2004-04-11T01:51:00.000+01:00

Strange goings on in Wapping, with Belinda Furneaux-Harris, News Group's marketing director, being pushed aside. Apparently she still works for the company, but rumours abound that Mirror Group's Ellis Watson is looking for a return to the Murdoch fold.

And all this just a short while since all of Rupert's newspaper execs joined him for a bit of brainwashing (and rainwashing, apparently) in Cancun. Seems Mexico wasn't so sweet for some.

Pulitzer puke

2004-04-09T03:34:00.000+01:00

Slate writer Jack Schafer gets the boot in on the Pulitzers by So you won a Pulitzer - who cares?. He's got a point. The self congratulatory nature of Pulitzer coverage seems totally out of kilter with the actual worthiness of the prize. Maybe it's just me, but Pulitzers seem like arseholes: everybody's got one.

Well, not everyone.

"The Pulitzers for journalism aren't for the best journalism of the year, merely the best newspaper journalism of the year. Make that the best American newspaper journalism of the year. Even the Academy Awards are more ecumenical than the Pulitzers, honoring foreign films, short subjects, technical achievement, animated features, and even the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award."

Too right, Jack, too right.

Snow it all

2004-04-08T17:45:00.000+01:00

There are a lot of email news updates and promotion guff floating around, but the best by a distance is Channel 4 News anchor Jon Snow's Snowmail. It's the personal touch that does it - today he's talking about the appearance of Bush croney Condoleezza Rice in front of the 9/11 Commission:

"Rice is on the stand as I speak and an extra-terrestrial figure she cuts. She smiles a lot but her eyes are disconnected from the bottom half of her face. Steely, I would say, and impressive".

He can often be seem like a bit of an overblown fool, but at least he's honest.

Three's a crowd

2004-04-08T09:43:00.001+01:00

Today is pretty much a textbook example of the different way the British press treats its news - and its readers.

The broadsheets are pretty much dominated by the escalating violence in Iraq. The Telegraph and the Guardian focus on the general spread of violence, the Indy looks at how American soldiers face extended tours of duty. The Times, meanwhile, has an exclusive by its Jerusalem correspondent Stephen Farrell, who was kidnapped - and then released - by rebels.

His close shave with death (headline: "A Kalashnikov in my face, a knife in my ear, a masked thug screaming 'You're finished'") makes for a great story, but Farrell wastes it criminally by overwriting. He sounds like a teenager who's been overfed hardboiled detective fiction suddenly scribbling in his diary:

"The 'hailstones' bounced off the roof and windscreen around noon, 20 miles from Baghdad.

Fallujah hail - bullets."

Meanwhile, the midmarket schlock fails to surprise by focusing on the Middle England outrage over a group of Kosovans wo have been compensated after being shot by British troops on a peacekeeping mission. The Mail takes the slightly cynical line "Shoot and we'll sue!", while the Express does its best to parody its 'hate asylum seekers, love our brave boys' stance with: "Welcome to the asylum: Refugees get legal aid to sue British troops... and WIN".

The tabs, of course, remain focused on the only story that really matters: whether David Beckham scored with his personal assistant. It's the that won't go away. The Mirror pictures Posh and Becks "snogging" (read peck on the lips) while the Sun scrapes through the bottom of its barrel of puns to discover "Posh: David's put a smile Beck on my face!".

Three different markets, three different stories, absolutely no surprises.